I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the day after is always just damage control
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
