There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
