my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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