dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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