I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
