Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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