i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
