the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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