Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
