party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i out mim tonsoeep
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
