i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
