apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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