Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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