hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
