my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
