my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Help me help you realize you are a moron
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize