Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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