If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
