Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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