I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize