I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Randomize
