She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
