lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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