just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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