..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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