its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
