He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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