I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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