Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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