For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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