I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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