I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
