Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
