Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
