love makes seman taste better
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
