Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
