Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
