No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
