so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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