I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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