You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
