I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
