the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
