ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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