I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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