She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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