So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
