How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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