Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
