He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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