help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
