thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
