Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
