she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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