I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
