I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
