Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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