maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
