let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
