Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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