i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
