so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Randomize
