What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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