Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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