Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
