You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
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