dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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