Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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