Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
did i walk over a car last night?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
